One of the most important needs that your kids have from you as a parent is the need for intimacy. They need to have a relationship with you, as their parent - and not a shallow one, but one that is deep, that goes beyond the surface. They need you see them for who they are; to see them in the hurts that they’ve experienced, the questions that they’re facing, the things that they’re ashamed of, and the things that they want no one else in the world to know. And when you see them and all that there is to see, they need to know that you love them just the same, even when they've let you down, even though they’ve disappointed you, even though they’re scared.
Your kids need an intimate relationship with you as their parent.
In 1 Timothy Chapter 5, “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” If one of the most important needs for us to provide our kids is intimacy, and we do not provide that need for our kids, how can you call yourself a Christian. That should sting. As a dad, for me to read that passage, there’s a huge burden I feel. I feel like, “Oh, crap, I better not screw this thing up.” But that’s a good pressure.
Because if this is actually one of the most important responsibilities in the world, we should have pressure to give our kids the things that they need most. As a parent you need to look for opportunities to develop intimacy with your kids. One of the best times to do this is at bed time; you can sit at the foot of their beds and talk. You can sit and listen; listen to what they experienced in schools, listen about their teachers who don't understand them, and the stories about the bullies that picked on them. And then as a parent, you can play the role of counselor. And you counsel them primarily as you sit and listen. Your presence will often speak more than your words even will. Find time to sit, talk, and listen with your kids. Tell your daughters and sons that you love them. Spend time just you and your kids, one and one. Tell your kids you love them; date your daughters. Sit at the foot of the bed and talk.